Texas Touring

 'Muuurrrriiiiiiccaaa!

'Muuurrrriiiiiiccaaa!

I am writing from Texas... there are giant American flags lining the road with enough material to clothe and shelter the folks living homeless under them, there's very little water in their chlorine system, I've been to a restaurant that has no vegetarian options at all... cue confused server, "no... it's all meat here... I mean we could take the meat out the salad but it's already in there..." and I've just seen a "Texan Pride - AllLivesMatter" sticker on a truck that forced its way out onto the road in front of us, slowing everyone down (what a metaphor)...

 Who wouldn't vote for this?!

Who wouldn't vote for this?!

Basically, I'm not at National Poetry Slam anymore (I shall attempt to get a quick Vlog up about that in the next few days!). Not to say that I dislike Texas: I mean in theory, it's tough not to because of the whole voting Trump-thing ((THOUGH, I have since looked at the results and it was the state's closest race for the White House since 1996 aaaand my home town voted for UKIP a few years back soooo "swings and racists" I guess...)) BUT I've had the absolute pleasure of hanging out here almost entirely with poets and they most certainly did not vote for that Cheetos dusted slump of fragile ego, many call president.

In fact, last night, whilst featuring at Blah Poetry Spot alongside my Slamalamadingdong team mates: Ben and John, I decided to dedicate my first piece to said "Orangubaby" which was delightfully met with raucous cries of "FUCK TRUMP!".  Which is kind of a shame because I wrote a hilarious, extended metaphor a couple of days ago comparing Texas to someone pissing in a swimming pool, that I wanted to share... but my actual experiences with people here so far just won't allow me to post such a royal roasting... stereotypes eh?! :(  

Don't worry... I'm sure a few more bumper stickers down the road, I'll be ready to unleash it ;)

 Performing at Blah Poetry Spot, in San Diego.

Performing at Blah Poetry Spot, in San Diego.

Anyway, talking of last night, I had a GREAT time, here's some reasons why: first off, I liked what I performed - which I'm not giving them credit for... sorry folks... haha. But after my own magnificence: there's a pizza oven in the venue so it all smelt just delicious, the host was unabashedly hilarious, they didn't take themselves too seriously and weren't afraid to get involved with clicking/ clapping/ stamping and hollering up any lines they appreciated, they had intro music for poets, they have a weekly blog/diary entry from a storyteller - kinda like a live version of Adrian Mole (totally stealing this idea!), they have an insanely tasty taco truck right outside the venue... I mean... I could keep going but I think I've made my point! Big up Arielle Cottingham for recommending it to us, as her home gig - they did you proud!

Oooh, plus I had a SUPER time performing at Mic Check a couple of nights back - a dope outdoor poetry event (it has to be outside... Texas is HOT y'all!!!). Highlights include the awesome paint job on stage, being bought numerous drinks by generous audience members and poets and the most confusing freestyle piece I've ever heard - written from the perspective of God... memorable lines: "I've tried anal... I didn't like it" and something about "dirty pussy"... I mean... I've never really been all that tight with God but for anyone that is... God really sounds like they could use an understanding friend right now... #JustSaying

 Performing at Mic Check in Bryan (he didn't mind).

Performing at Mic Check in Bryan (he didn't mind).

Now, after a day of floating down the Comal River in tuuuubes - possibly getting ridiculously burnt... we are back on the road, driving to feature at Austin Poetry Slam tonight!

I'd love to write more but I need to paint my nails (seriously... look at the bottom of this blog post to check out the nail style I've been serving! FIIIIIIRRREEEE!!!)

... speak soooooon! 

Love love,

x

 

 Tour dates. 

Tour dates.